You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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