They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
