When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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