Sponge bath it is.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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