i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize