There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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