I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
