I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
