3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
