I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
