Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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