dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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