My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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