This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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