What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
