Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
