To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
