i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
false alarm, still single
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
