We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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