I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
