Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
