I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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