i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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