I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
