I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize