His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
