We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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