DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
