I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
