so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
