just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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