I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
