Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
