I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
