How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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