And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize