I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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