I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
