there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
3 2 1 whiskey
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
