so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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