I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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