It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
