My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
