I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
