Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
