you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
