So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
