i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
