I think my fart just growled at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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