how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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