Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
