im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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