the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
