dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
