Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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