Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
