I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
