i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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