I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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