so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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