As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
