all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
