Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
