Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
