I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
