at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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