i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
