i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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