Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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