so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
