he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize