Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
