Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
