Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
