You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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